Anxiety is difficult to explain. The word is overused and the disorder is downplayed. Only those who have anxiety can truly understand how detrimental it can be in everyday life. Anxiety complicates your thoughts and feelings, which is why it is especially difficult when you’re dating. You find yourself questioning every moment, thought and feeling. When you start to panic in front of your partner, you feel embarrassed. Because anxiety can occur from no concrete situation it is difficult to explain, express and discuss it with your partner. Sometimes I find myself trying to hide my anxiety as to not overwhelm my partner. I don’t want him to feel like this is something he has to “deal with” his whole life. Will it ultimately just be a burden? Therefore, I try to breathe and relax and remember it will pass. However, at some points it takes over and I find it hard to concentrate. I find it hard to stabilize. My fear is that at some point he will only see my anxiety and that it will surpass my positive qualities. I hope that anxiety does not ultimately control me and my relationship and I will fight my hardest to prevent that from happening.
Why everyone is capable of dirty texting – and should do it!
Dirty texting or sexting can be scary and intimidating for people, especially those who are new to the dating world. The problem is that people assume dirty texting has to be graphic and obscene, which is not the case. There is a spectrum of sexting and you can determine your own comfort level. Also sexting DOES NOT have to include sending a picture of yourself and if you choose to do so you should be careful who is receiving your messages. Once the picture is out there, it is for the world to see.
So why is dirty texting important?
In a relationship, maintaining that sexual chemistry is not only important but key to an exciting and invigorating relationship. Having sex is great and definitely helps but you need the build up and the sexual tension. That will make the sex that much better and you will feel more that you “need” each other instead of just “want” each other. When your day is dull you will be able to paint a picture in your mind of the pleasure that will happen later in the day.
So some phrases you can use that cross the spectrum of “dirty”
“I want your body,” “You’re so sexy,” “I’m picturing you naked right now,” “I can’t wait to make you so wet,” “I want your d*** in my mouth,” “I want to be riding you right now”
Those are a few but get creative and happy sexting!
Accepting the Uncertainty
Being in a relationship in your 20’s can be overwhelming. Your career isn’t set and your future is blurry. The future is basically terrifying hence leading to the feeling of uncertainty. The uncertainty of the future spills over to being uncertain with your partner and all of a sudden you second guess your entire relationship. You think that maybe it would be easier if you worked through your own issues before committing to a partner. You want to feel “steady and secure” before bringing someone else into your life. If you break up with your partner due to this uncertainty then you officially lost in the battle against your thoughts.
If your partner makes you truly happy and brings out the best in you then why are you causing yourself to suffer? When there is so much confusion and stress in your day-to-day, don’t you want to unfold and relax with the person who makes you laugh and enjoy life?
If the issue is with the person you are with than this does not apply. Do not let a good thing slip away because everything else seems to be falling apart. It is okay to not know what the future will bring. NO ONE DOES! Don’t use that simplistic line as an excuse to further hurt yourself. Take a deep breath and take time to figure yourself out and figure out life side by side with the person that makes you happy. Life will always throw you curve balls. Don’t you want a partner in crime to be with you to celebrate the success and overcome the hardships?
The Importance of Communicating During and After Sex
If you are not enjoying sexual intercourse and you don’t say anything to your partner, you are only hurting yourself. Enjoying a sexual experience is a two way street. You hope to please your partner and your partner hopes to please you, however different individuals require different moves and actions in order to feel satisfied. What worked on your last partner might not feel good for your current partner.
It is said that communication is a key component to a relationship and this is included in the bedroom. If you like it aggressive, tell your partner. If your partner is not the “aggressive type,” then talking about it will help you and your partner find a compromise to satisfy both your needs. If you want to switch positions and don’t feel comfortable initiating it, tell your partner. Maybe your partner has been dying to switch it up as well. You can also move your partner’s hand. If you want him to touch a certain area, then move his hand there. It indicates that it is something you enjoy, plus it is sexy because it shows you know what you want.
If you are nervous about beginning this “talk” (it can be nerve-wracking), then try something simple like asking your partner “did that feel good for you?” after a sexual experience. You can follow that with “Is there anything I could have done better or differently?” Hopefully this sparks a conversation, with your partner asking you similar questions in return. At this point be honest because it will only help you in the future. Remember, enhancing your pleasure during sex can only improve the relationship.
Fighting to Keep the Love Alive
The honeymoon stage is THE BEST. It is the first 12 – 18 months in a relationship. That being said, passion, intimacy, lust and love do not have to fade. How? Try novel and exciting things with your partner. Be spontaneous. Continue to plan fun dates for each other. Plan weekend getaways, go to concerts, try a fun and interactive dinner place. Play strip poker, strip basketball (you get the hint). If you let the romance and spontaneity dwindle then it will. Make the effort. It’s worth it. The key to making it all work is that BOTH partners need to keep it alive.
On top of that when you are lying in bed, look the other person in the eye and feel and remember why you want him or her beside you. When you remember the answer to that question share it with your partner. Tell your partner “I love laying next to you” or ” I love being with you” and follow that with “because…” The answer does not have to be long but it will reignite those feelings for you and your partner.
Remember. Life is challenging. You will constantly be tested and there will be ups and downs no matter what partner you are with. You have to ask yourself: Is this the partner that I want to enjoy life with and fight for? Are we a strong enough team to get through the ups and downs together? There might be times that you question that, tough periods and moments. When that happens, remember all those weekend getaways, fun dinner dates, strip poker sessions and remind yourself why it’s worth the fight.
I keep picking the wrong men!
If this is something you have recently uttered than you need to do a self check. What has been your pattern on choosing men? Are you picking the ones that don’t want a “serious relationship” or are “too immature to ask you on a date?” Or maybe you’re choosing the guy who phases you out after a few months of aggressive courtship. If this sounds like you it’s time to make a serious change. The key is taking in the signs and gaining control for a significant amount of time in the beginning of the “relationship.” A few short and sweet key tips.
So you meet a guy (using male pronouns however works in both ways) you are super interested in…
1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. This will just be helpful for you emotionally and it will take longer for you to feel that attachment. Continue to date other men and look for other opportunities. He will still be there if it’s supposed to happen and will keep asking you out if it is going well regardless. Plus he’ll never know if you are pursuing other men. Lastly, it will make you less available.
2. Don’t bring up “the talk” so quickly. Look, you don’t want to be the girl that is played for months but don’t try to start the exclusive talk so quickly. A, because you don’t even know if you want to be exclusive with him and b, because the talk will come. And if it doesn’t present itself it’s probably not right.
3. Have fun. Do fun activities on dates. Creating memories will have the guy remember you. You can be that boring dinner/drinks girl or you can be the girl that I went to a comedy show/concert with. Be memorable. If you guys are laughing the whole time and you leave him wanting more it will probably lead to more dates. Sports games are also always fun for casual drinking and chatting while simultaneously providing entertainment.
4. Don’t put out so quickly yet don’t be the morally/pure “I won’t touch you girl.” Find the balance.
5. If it’s not going somewhere and you want it to then speak up. For example if after 2 dates he starts with just the late night meet ups, or perhaps he’s only done the late night meet ups then stand up for yourself. You’d rather be that “crazy girl” that put him in his place than the girl that he can walk all over, do anything to, and will still be there whenever he wants.
These are some tips and of course every situation is unique but overall remember that if you are stressed/anxious/unhappy and it’s affecting your everyday life than it’s probably not worth it and you should walk away.
Assurance – Tell me you love me
One of my favorite reads was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He talks about how each person has a love language: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. He believes it is important to figure out your partner’s love language in order to satisfy his/her needs.
I want to talk about the love language: words of affirmation. It is extremely important that you communicate with your partner how you feel. After a couple years of dating you might tell your partner less that you think he or she is amazing or beautiful or that you love being around him or her. This is detrimental to the relationship. You are supposed to date someone who makes you feel good about yourself and feel special. Life will get hard. There will be ups and downs. You want to know that your partner continues to be there for you. Even if your partner’s actions prove the commitment, words really have an impact on the heart. Go tell your partner how you feel but really tell them. Look into his or hers eyes and express yourself. Eye contact has been proven to help increase arousal and creates a powerful connection. Watch your partners reaction after you do this. You’ll see that there is a powerful response.
Watch Oprah take the Love Language Quiz:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Oprah-Takes-the-Love-Language-Quiz-Video_1
Try it yourself!
Office Flirting – Harmless or Home wrecker?
You’re at the office for hours and hours every day. Work sucks. Who wants to think about doing meaningless tasks? You’d much rather think about that sexy coworker sitting a few seats away. Let’s be real. You think about sex at least one point over the course of the day. So it’s natural to see even those subpar coworkers as 10s on the scale. It’s basically equivalent to wearing beer goggles.
So how harmless is a casual flirtation? Well if you are not single I would say there is a line that should definitely not be crossed. No hanging outside the office after hours (just the two of you), and you should still be thinking about your partner in a sexual way. If you go home and that coworker is still on your mind: it’s a problem. The reason is that at that point it affects the quality of your primary relationship. Slowly the lack of sex at home is noticed by your partner and a conversation is needed. At that point you don’t want to tell your husband/wife bf/gf that the reason sex isn’t happening or you’re distant is because that coworker of yours is on your mind.
So just relax. Enjoy that casual flirtation aka “can I get you a cup of coffee while I’m up” or that glance over the work computer. Keep in mind though that the novelty and the “I can’t have you” is probably way more exciting and better than if something actually did happen. Oh, and if the flirting starts getting too intense you might want to start adding props and fantasy into your own relationship.Try to work on the heat at home before you bring anymore heat to the office.
Now if you are single and you are flirting with someone who is married/in a relationship then you should still be careful. The same casual flirting rule applies. If you take it too far consider yourself a home wrecker. Imagine if you were the 3rd party. You’d probably want to punch that coworker in the face. There are plenty of single people out there so no need to go after the people who are unavailable.
Clitorial Tutorial
First off I want to give credit to my friend Madison for coming up with this incredible title. This is a subject that many men certainly do not understand. This informative website will give you the basic informative about this incredible sensitive spot.
Most of the time women are faking or not enjoying sex when you go straight from a make-out session to the insertion of your penis. If she’s screaming or moaning, she’s probably faking. That’s because she needs to be properly lubricated ie: wet before something sticks up there. If not then there is friction that can be painful to the woman. Rubbing up against each other ie. dry humping is a good place to start when you are making out. That way a man’s pubic bone can rub up against her clitoris. The next thing you can do is take your hand and rub your palm in circles on her clitoris, lightly. If you are not sure where it is do more reading or ask a girl who is a friend. Once she is wet you can put your finger inside. Ask her if she likes it hard and fast or slower. She’ll let you know and then you can know for the future. Once she feels significantly wetter you can begin intercourse. She might like it if you continue to rub her clitoris during sex because that might be the only way she can orgasm. ASK HER. I promise that you’ll hear a significant amount more screaming and moaning if you follow these steps. The clitoris is too often underrated and underused.
Jealousy and Put down his phone
I wasn’t sure what to name this post because I could probably write a novel about the concept of jealousy. In class yesterday I learned that 70 percent of married men admitted to cheating on their wives and about 50 percent of women admitted to having an affair. One scientific reason for men cheating is that there is greater activity in the brain areas associated with visual processing. Therefore, they get a physical response from visual cues and seem to “fall in love quickly” based on “seeing what his mate had to offer.”
So what are women supposed to do with this information. Live in fear that there is a good chance their man will cheat? I don’t think so. The answer is you need to live your life and find that emotional connection with your partner. Your life cannot be lived with What Ifs? Maybe one day you will fall out of love or find someone you believe to be your soul mate. But at this very moment, do you love your partner? Is this someone you trust? Is this someone who you enjoy spending time with? If the answer is yes to these questions than you need to let go of jealousy because it will waste your time and energy.
With that being said. Please do not look at your partner’s phone. 99.99% of the time you will find something you wish you hadn’t. And what for? To confront your partner? Because then you just look like that psycho that went through his/her phone. It’s funny because my friends always say, men have a way of speaking with each other that are not for a women’s’ ears or sight. However, I am sure that if you saw how my friends and I speak with each other our boyfriends would not be too happy….So think about that next time you feel that sudden urge. It will just cause you stress and anxiety and make you miserable.
Innercourse 